You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize