i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
