and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
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I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
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If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
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