And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
is wine microwaveable?
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
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