Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
Randomize
