next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
