if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Randomize
