Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Randomize
