I'm really into asian looking animals
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
Randomize
