Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
