I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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