Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
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