Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Randomize
