I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
