My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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