I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
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