Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
How's work?
Spinning.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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