Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Randomize
