everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Randomize
