he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Randomize
