i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Randomize
