I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
