There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Randomize
