awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
Fuck appropriateness.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Randomize
