i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
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