I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
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