she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
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