id be glad to
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Randomize
