so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Randomize
