Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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