Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
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