I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Randomize
