There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Randomize
