So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
