Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize
