Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
