Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
