Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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