i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
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