I wish I could teleport
The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
