Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
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