My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
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