I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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