but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
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