You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
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