Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
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