I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
