In the future we'll all be gay
Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
hell yes lets make some ravioli
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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