We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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