did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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