hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Randomize
