Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
