I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
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