the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
