when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Randomize
