"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
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