i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
