im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
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