That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
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