I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
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