Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
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