he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
I FOUND THE LEGS
Randomize
