I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
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