Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Randomize
