i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
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