when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
We are two peas in an std pod
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Randomize
