This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
