Can i not drive my cunt home
I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
