that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
