So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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