Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
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