dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
