I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Randomize
