i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Still dying that you shit outside
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
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