I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
Who wears a wallet chain?!
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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