Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Randomize
