my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
I'm having to shit out rocks
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
